I am The Scorpion Entry 5

July 27, 2008 9:50 p.m.-10:30 p.m.

I haven’t been writing in you much.

But, here’s the good news- I’m sorry.

Anyway, I had a realization.

I don’t really write anything.

I mean, I write; but nothing about my life.

Maybe because it’s the same everyday?

Basically all I do is take care of the baby.

I never leave.

But I shall try to start writing the things that happen; if only to remember them better.

I have a horrid memory, if you recall.

So…lately.

I’m going to Cruefest.

Pit Tickets.

I’m fucking…dying to go.

Getting to watch a band I love, up close, crowd pumping and screaming…

It’s like a fucking dream come true.

Trapt, Papa Roach, BuckCherry, Motley Crue, and Six A.M.

This is the one thing in life that is keeping me from being fully numb.

I feel…

Young for once.

Not jaded or empty or too experienced for my years.

I’m excited- nervous, even.

It’s refreshing.

Also, I’m reading The Heroin Diaries.

The book is…indescribable.

Amazing.

You’d have to read it or you’d never understand.

I had a random thought.

If I got Motley Crue’s signatures tattooed on my body, I know where I’d get them.

Mick Mars on my right shoulder.

Like a guardian angel I guess?

Always has your back, always behind the scenes.

Always giving you courage.

He’s such a fucking brave person- perusing his dreams even with all the pain.

Tommy Lee- Inner thigh.

Pretty sure that one is self-explanatory.

Vince Neil?

Base of my neck.

Kind of like that itch you can’t scratch.

Monkey on your back.

You kind of love to hate him.

It wouldn’t be Crue without him.

And finally, Nikki- Right under my collar bone; not really over my heart, but close.

Why?

Because, he is closest to my heart.

I relate to him.

And his book stirs things in me I had forgotten.

Emotions I thought had died.

Memories haunt the corners of my mind.

Would I ever get the tattoos?

Maybe.

Why did I think this out?

I was half asleep- so sue me.

Anything else new?

Just college.

I’m starting in a week.

Online classes.

Forensic Profiling.

Why do I like this subject?

Maybe because I can relate?

Maybe because I like to pick things apart?

Maybe because I want to understand myself?

Maybe because I just like psychos?

Doesn’t really matter why.

It’s my future, and I know I will enjoy it.

My mother has been in bitch mode lately.

Nothing new.

I’m a horrid mother.

I’m addicted to the internet.

I don’t care.

I don’t want her haunting the pages of my diary too.

Fuck that.