September 5, 2008 7:02 p.m.-7:07 p.m.
My body is tingling.
Nicotine coursing through me.
I’m numb.
And in this moment I am happy.
But so brief.
It’s already fading.
I tell myself it’s the stress making me chain smoke.
Maybe it is.
Maybe I just like to keep this feeling.
Shaking hands, unsteady feet.
Numb in this haze of nicotine and hate;
Bittersweet.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore.
Honestly.
But maybe I do and I’m in denial.
All I know is when I find a means of self-destruction, I throw myself head first into it.
I put my whole heart and soul into it.
I wish I had this much commitment to other things in my life.
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